An IM conversation from another world

An IM conversation in the Roman States of America, circa 2005 AUC...

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NoGods : Hello Vesta29
Vesta29 : Hey NoGods. You're an atheist right ?
NoGods : Yea, I guess that was easy to figure out eh ? lol
Vesta29 : Why don't you believe in the Pantheon ?
NoGods : I think it's clear that there are no gods. Just look at what happened with Hurricane Krystyn. Do you really think that...
Vesta29 : Ah, that's easy. Neptune sent us Hurricane Krystyn because he is angry at our exploitation of the seas.
NoGods : What ? That's ridiculous. Hurricanes are caused by low-pressure cells that transport heat from warm to cold regions of the seas.
Vesta29 : And who had that idea ? Neptune !
NoGods : Wha... wait. How do you even know Neptune exists ?
Vesta29 : The Odyssey clearly states that Neptune punished Odysseus because he blinded the Cyclops...
NoGods : Wait. Wait a second. The Odyssey has Poseidon in it, not Neptune. It's a Greek myth.
Vesta29 : What ?
NoGods : Your own religion says that the Odyssey was written by Homer. He was an early Greek poet. Not Roman.
Vesta29 : So what ? They're the same god. The god of the sea. There can only be one god of the sea, so they must be the same one. Duh !
NoGods : ...
Vesta29 : Anyway, the Odyssey clearly states that Neptune existed.
NoGods : Well why should I believe in this at all ? First of all, The Odyssey was codified from oral transmission a couple centuries AUC. Secondly, we don't even know if Homer existed. Why should I believe a text thousands of years old that is probably mythical and we don't even know who wrote it ?
Vesta29 : That's a silly argument. Don't you like science ?
NoGods : Of course.
Vesta29 : All the great scientists were Pantheonists. Heron of Alexandria, who invented the steam engine, was a Pantheonist.
NoGods : But... but... he was a Greek.
Vesta29 : Shut up ! Hippocrates of Cos was a Pantheonist. In his pledge for doctors that we still use today, people invoke the names of Apollo and Asclepius. So that proves it ! Al Battani, who discovered the law of gravity, lived in the Arab provinces but he was still a Pantheonist. He wrote books and books about the Music of the Spheres, in fact he wrote more about it than he did about science. Paracelsus, who discovered the Theory of Relativity, is a believer !
NoGods : Now wait a fucking second. Paracelsus didn't believe in literal gods.
Vesta29 : He said the gods don't play dice.
NoGods : He meant the gods as natural laws ! Not real gods.
Vesta29 : What the Hades do you know ? And the Roman States of America were founded on the principles of Pantheonism.
NoGods : No they weren't !
Vesta29 : They were too. It says right there on the Constitution : "We the People of the Roman States of America, in order to form a more perfect union, with the blessings of the gods..."
NoGods : Just because the people who wrote the Constitution were believers, does not make it true ! And besides, they were deists.
Vesta29 : They were not !
NoGods : Listen man, I have to go. The wife is calling me to watch this movie we rented, "A Fistful of Sestertius".
Vesta29 : Okay, cool. But you'll have to agree on one thing.
NoGods : What's that ?
Vesta29 : Pantheonism is not so bad. Can you imagine if our society was founded on one of those weird religious cults they have in the provinces ?
NoGods : Yea. Like those Jews and their weird war god cult. Can you imagine an entire country based on that ?
Vesta29 : HA HA HA HA HA !
NoGods : Heeee he he he. That would be awful.
Vesta29 : Man, that's scary ! I'm sure glad the Roman Empire conquerred those backwards civilizations.
NoGods : Bye now.
Vesta29 : Go with the blessings of Jupiter !
NoGods : Shut up.

Go to part 2.