Internet Goosing the Antithesis

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Bible Murder Mystery

In the spirit of Halloween, I thought that I'd spark a discussion of something truly horrific... murder most foul, and in the Bible, no less!

The mystery is a unique one, since the identities of both victim and murder are known- Balaam son of Beor, killed by the Israelites under Moses' command.

"So what's the big deal?" you might be wondering. "Tons of people were killed by the Israelites in those stories. Why is this particular man so special?"

While it's true that the ancient myths of the Israelites are chock-full of blood and gore, enough to make even modern stories like Hostel or Saw look mild by comparison, the intent behind all the death is usually made apparent. This person dared to touch the Ark of the Covenant, for example. Or this group of young boys made fun of a bald man. Or an entire town was particularly inhospitable.

But for Balaam, the continuing mystery is: what exactly did the guy do to deserve death? He's first introduced in Numbers 22, and meets his end in chapter 31 of that same book. I have some thoughts regarding the rationalization of his fate, but in the meantime, I'll entertain anyone's best guess.

Post a Comment


At 11/06/2007 12:24 AM, Blogger breakerslion declaimed...

Ok, there's only so much of that kind of drunken drivel I can take, but I have a theory. If you read between the lines, and scrunch your face up juuust right, you can see where the authors might have left something out. I think that THE LORD asked Balaam to get a dummy for the ventriloquist act, and Balaam heard "donkey". Everyone thought that it was so lame, that THE LORD decided that Balaam had to die.

It makes more sense than the rest of that crap. It sounds like the ravings of a drunken burnout with an untreated mental disorder, as shouted while having sex with a merry-go-round animal. "The LORD is stronger than an unicorn! I got the bite marks to prove it! I got you unicorn! Not so tough now, are you?"

At 11/07/2007 11:54 PM, Blogger sacred slut declaimed...

The Lord is mysterious and hard to understand, especially for you heathens.

What a hoot Numbers is. I read the Contemporary English version on Bible Gateway. WTF do Christians make of that crap?

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At 1/12/2010 12:32 AM, Blogger Ryan declaimed...

"Numbers 22-24 presents Balaam as an apparent convert. Tragically, the changes in him were only temporary. Balaam next appears in Numbers 31:8 the slain victim of an Israelite raid. Outright condemnations in 2 Peter 2:15, Jude 11 and Revelation 2:14 indicate that Balaam quickly returned to his treacherous ways. Having failed to manipulate the Israelites' God for his purposes, he resorted to manipulating the Israelites themselves. He convinced other nations to seducte them with sex and the worship of false gods. His actions led to the deaths of 24,000 people (25:9).
Some have called Balaam the Judas of the Old Testament, and certain parallels do emerge. Both men came close enough to truth to appear sincere and faithful. For a time, both seemed to serve the true God. But motiated by ambition and greed, the renounced God and turned against him, with catastrophic results." (Excerpted from Zondervan Student Bible)

At 11/27/2010 12:44 PM, Blogger Michael declaimed...






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