Internet Goosing the Antithesis

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Drunk Loser Tries to Descend to Hell; Fails

Check out this clown:

Just a month after his 16-story fall and merciful landing onto a hotel overhang, Joshua Hanson is off crutches from a broken leg, mostly healed from his other injuries and thankful he has no memory of the plunge.


Hanson recalls drinking with his pals at a couple of bars in St. Paul before going back to the Minneapolis Hyatt Regency. They stopped by a darts tournament at the hotel before heading to their rooms in the early morning hours.

"Then we come back off the elevator and that's when, for whatever reason ... I decided to take off running," Hanson said. "I don't know why I took off running or what really led up to it, but -- I did."

Sprinting down the hallway alone, he said he was confused by the reflection on the windowpane at the end. With a crash, the 275-pound former prep football player and wrestler broke through a double-paned window with a safety bar.

He fell onto an asphalt-covered overhang one floor above the street. The overhang probably saved his life because it helped cushion his fall, according to emergency officials and a physics professor.

But that isn't even the best part. Here is the money shot:

Asked if he could explain why he survived, Hanson said: "I wish I knew, for real I do. Somebody had a plan for me."


"I went to church the first Sunday I got home, no doubt about it," he said. "There ain't too many days go by that I don't thank God that I'm still here."

Emphasis mine.

Yea pal, someone sure had a plan for you, and that plan was to send you to Hell by dropping you 16 stories. Lucky for you, your forced deportation to Hell was foiled by a thoughtful architect who put an overhang in the way.

Now why doesn't anybody who goes through something like this ever think about it the other way? Why isn't this bum thanking the architect? How exactly does this guy figure that God is the one who saved, rather than tried to extinguish, his life? If he said that he can't even recall the fall, nor why or how he decided to run into the window, isn't it reasonable for him to suppose that God possessed him at that moment and caused him to take the plunge?

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At 2/23/2007 11:39 AM, Blogger The Sanity Inspector declaimed...

Like the Springsteen song says, it ain't no sin to be glad you're alive.

At 2/23/2007 5:03 PM, Blogger streetapologist declaimed...

Hey Aaron,

How did this guy make it through your selection_fail_safe, designed to weed out people like him? You know that whole survival of the fittest thing?

How ya' been?



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