Internet Goosing the Antithesis

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

25% of Americans are Retarded

A new study says that 25% of Americans are retarded because they believe that Jesus Christ will return in 2007.

Now keep in mind that this isn't some regular old "Jesus will return" kind of belief. No, this is quite a bit more specific. This is the belief that Jesus will return in the year 2007.

This blog gets about 100 hits a day. While most of the visitors to this blog are likely atheists, probably not all of them are. If this site gets visited by a mere 4 Christians a day, then it is likely that one of them believes that Jesus Christ will return in 2007. In my opinion, it is safe to bet that at least one of these believers will read this post.

So, to anyone reading this that believes that 2007 will bring the return of Christ, I have a wager for you, and I hope you will take it. If Jesus Christ returns in 2007, I promise to convert to Christianity, renounce my atheist ways, and work non-stop for the glory of Jesus Christ for the rest of my existence. I also promise to sell my beloved Mustang GT and donate 100% of the money to the Church or religious cause of your choice. But if Jesus doesn't return by 11:59pm, December 31, 2007, you have to buy me a brand new Dodge Viper.

Any takers?

Post a Comment


At 1/03/2007 8:00 PM, Blogger breakerslion declaimed...

I'm not taking that bet, but I'll buy the Mustang.

I'd also like to make a correction:

25% of Americans aren't retarded because they believe that Jeezamagod will return in 2007; 25% of Americans believe that Jeezamagod will return in 2007 because they're retarded.

At 1/03/2007 8:19 PM, Blogger breakerslion declaimed...

There is also a burden of proof to be met by anyone claiming to be Jesus "The Savior" Christ. I'll believe he is who he says he is if, and only if, he shoves "Dubya's" head so far up his own ass that he can watch himself breathe. Hey, "It's a miracle!".....


Anyone can spout scripture like a player piano cranking out "public domain" chestnuts. I want to see some wrathful transubstantial pretzelization. And while we're on this subject, why does anyone give that fucktard Pat Robertson enough credibility to report his blitherings as straight news?

At 1/04/2007 12:11 AM, Blogger Paul Manata declaimed...

Though I don't believe Jesus will return in '07, I think you may be retarted because *if* Jesus returned in 2007 you'd not be "converting" to Christianity but, rather, you'd be judged and shuffled off to the bar-b-q pit, as atheist Edward Tabash says. So, you might want to study up on your theology just in case people other than "breakerslion" are reading.

At any rate, I think the "study" is retarded since I doubt an "retarded" people would hold such complicated (but wrong, IMO) beliefs.

At 1/04/2007 1:17 AM, Blogger Young Physicalist declaimed...

Retardation isn't holding absurd or irrational beliefs. Redardation is defined as missing or reaching "milestones" in development latter than the typical person.

At 1/04/2007 10:34 AM, Blogger Paul Manata declaimed...

I never said absurd or irrational beliefs was the definition of retardation.

Rather, it was the level of complication they could acheive in their noetic structure; which seems to fit with your definition.

At any rate, why not defend the theists here. Clearly they are not "retarded," even though they may be wrong. To continue to call them retarded just shows *your* ignorance.

At 1/05/2007 1:59 AM, Blogger Rev. Barking Nonsequitor declaimed...

Retarded fits in term of making the grade with respect to logic and reason. Frankly, we Atheists are fabbergasted at how all these folks can adhere to something so absurd.

I know if I asked a bunch of people if they thought Jezuz was coming this year, I doubt I would get any takers - but then I steer clear of delusional people. Most everyone I meet seems moderate if not apathetic about religion in general. But 25%? I'm skeptical about that.

At 1/05/2007 3:00 PM, Blogger Aaron Kinney declaimed...

Oh my God Paul, is that REALLY your new profile pic?

Since when did you become a shotgun-toting, beer-belly-displaying, wifebeater-wearing, Christian redneck?????

I thought you had more class than that! Well, I guess if you surround yourself with 'em long enough, you become one of 'em eh? LOL!!!

Oh yea, and you shold have realized that I was using the word "retarded" in a purely ad hominem, derogitory, and non-literal sense.



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