A Bad Taste in My Mouth
I'm more than a little upset after learning that after I spent Sunday morning trying to stick up for Ted Haggard with the North Texas Freethinkers, he was saying this:
There is a part of my life that is so repulsive and dark that I've been warring against it all of my adult life. For extended periods of time, I would enjoy victory and rejoice in freedom. Then, from time to time, the dirt that I thought was gone would resurface, and I would find myself thinking thoughts and experiencing desires that were contrary to everything I believe and teach.I feel like such a fool for arguing that it should be acceptable for someone like Ted Haggard to explore his sexuality, when the man himself can't even understand it as anything but "repulsive." And yet, I still can't shake the feeling that Haggard is a victim here too, albeit a perpetrator as well. I find it just so unfortunate and tragic that for Haggard to maintain any semblance of a relationship with his church, he has to condemn an innate aspect of himself, one that if given free exercise, wouldn't hurt anyone. I also feel terrible for his wife, for being an unwilling participant in his efforts to combat his innate homosexuality by adopting the trappings of "normal" life.
This whole thing just leaves a bad taste in my mouth.