Internet Goosing the Antithesis

Friday, December 02, 2005

The spike / Top 10 signs you are a Christian

Scientology is great. I believe that body thetans make up my body, that Xenu implanted them with engrams millions of years ago by blowing them up in volcanoes and that going up the Bridge and through the OT levels will free me from my BT prison and let me use my full thetan powers over MEST (Matter Energy Space and Time).

I, for one, welcome our new Scientologist overlords.

From Top Ten Signs You Are a Christian :

10. You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.

9. You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created directly from dirt.

8. You laugh at polytheists, but have no problem believing in a Triune God.

7. Your face turns purple when you hear the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua", including women, children and trees!

6. You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and ascended into the sky.

5. You are willing to spend your life looking for loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing the Earth is a few generations old.

4. You believe the entire population of this planet with the exception of those that share your beliefs -- though excluding those in rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving".

3. While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor and speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.

2. You define 0.1% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence prayer works. And you think the remaining 99.9% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

1. You actually know alot less than atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.

Check out my article on the memetics of abortion, just below. Thanks !

Post a Comment


At 12/02/2005 10:43 AM, Blogger Bahnsen Burner declaimed...

Very humorous and spot on, Franc. I liked numbers 2 & 3 the best. The whole notion of "speaking in tongues" is so primitive. Then again, so is the idea of prayer.

At 12/02/2005 11:52 AM, Blogger Francois Tremblay declaimed...

Um, I didn't write the list. I gave the link to the original.

At 12/02/2005 6:45 PM, Blogger Mr. Neil declaimed...

Or in other words, if you're a Christian, then your belief system is riddled with ironies and special pleading.



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