Internet Goosing the Antithesis

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Crumbling Sacrilege

The (Catholic and atheist) world has waited with bated breath since, in the wake of the University of Central Florida theological "scandal" involving a student making off with a consecrated Eucharist host, godless liberal P.Z. Myers promised to complete the sacrilege of which the student was accused, and desecrate "a goddamned cracker." It seems that he is now a man of his word.

It should be noted that although normally soft-spoken, Dr. Myers regularly takes superstitious claims (and those that dogmatically hold them) to task with alacrity and relish on his blog, but I would wager that his recent anti-wafer provocation wouldn't have been made manifest without the vocal condemnation of the original student by that paragon of ecumenical graciousness, the Catholic Leaugue's own Bill Donohue.

Donohue, as a faithful Catholic, is well-versed in the rhetorical value of martyrdom, and often shoves the crucified Jesus out of the way so that he can take his own place of honor on the old rugged cross, where he can weather the slings and arrows of those who, like Dr. Myers, do not reflexively nod their heads to his dogmatic veneration of an institution that has ably destroyed as many lives as it would claim to have saved for divine glorification (human glorification from its adherents notwithstanding).

In keeping with his record of pompous gasbaggery, Donohue is sure to revel in the opportunity afforded him by one more 'Jesus-hater' whose eternal soul will be basted in brimstone for the satanic spoiling of a sacred Saltine. I doubt that someone so thoroughly god-deluded will be able to appreciate the damage he does to his rational reputation by insisting upon universal deference to his particular sect's worship of a holy biscuit.

And yet, is it such a triumph over the superstition-driven life to abuse the illusion of a god-cracker, even if it is held by someone so obtuse and grating? Alonzo Fyfe has waxed ethically on this matter, and has landed favorably on Dr. Myers' side (even if critical of the methods implied by Dr. Myers to obtain a Holy Cracker), but I wonder if it isn't a denigration of our own collective reputations to even acknowledge such a self-serving simpleton (although South Park did take a few seconds to allow Jesus to execute his apoplectic animated avatar).

Still, when there's a point to be made, I'm generally favor of making it, but with good taste, if possible. Extraordinarily good taste, I might add, which is why I (in my own humble opinion) did Dr. Myers one better and concocted a true gastronomic delight: the Jesus Waffle.

You see, whatever their supernatural particulars, Eucharist hosts have the unwavering natural characteristics of being made of flour and water. As such, a collection of them can be ground into powder, mixed with butter, milk, egg, and a bit of sugar and salt, to make a scrumptuous breakfast pastry guaranteed to captivate your palate (even if it doesn't illuminate your spirit). The final product is surprisingly fluffy on the inside and crisp on the outside (as will be, I presume, my damned corpse in Hell), and if your priest is health-conscious enough to procure whole-wheat wafers, may even lower your cholesterol (Hallelujah!). Topped with vanilla yogurt and garnished with the transubstutated flesh of Our Sweet Lord, it's the perfect way to start any apostate's day.

Now, why would I assemble this Unholiest of recipes? Does Bill Donohue's nose really need another tweaking? Am I trying to suck up to P.Z. and gain a dispensation of his cephalopodic grace? Neither, really. If I truly believe that religious symbols aren't special, then there shouldn't be any particular merit to venerating them OR desecrating them, right? In all honesty, it just seemed like something interesting to do. It's the same reason that I keep a Buddha statue in my garden: I use it for quirky aesthetic appeal, not spiritual inspiration. The same is true for the large crucifix displayed outside my home office, the Lakshmi coin I keep next to my D&D dice, and the driedel I put out on my coffee table every December. One man's god is another man's lawn ornament, and the sooner we are able to arrive at that understanding, the sooner we'll be able to experience reality as humans together.

Monday, July 14, 2008

D'Souza's Ironic Modesty

Dinesh D'Souza is worried about his modesty:
Modesty is one of my great virtues, and that is why I am always worried when people praise me too much.
I wouldn't worry- he can take care of that himself.
This past weekend I debated atheist Christopher Hitchens... America's leading atheist and... unbelief's best debater.

...when the debate was finished the moderator called for a vote on "who won the debate." By a show of hands, I did! ...Hitchens burst in to say that he would have lost anyway! Later several atheists came up to me and said that although they were rooting for Hitchens, they had voted for me because they felt I had prevailed decisively.

...Michael Shermer... commented that with the passing of William F. Buckley, I am one of the leading defenders of conservatism and freedom in America. He also added, "Whatever your beliefs, you should read Dinesh's book What's So Great About Christianity. It is the best defense of Christianity that has ever been published."

In addition to dealing with atheist accolades, I also have to contend with the same from fellow conservatives and Christians.

...a review of my book [titled] "C.S. Lewis, Move Over," [says] ..."Dinesh D'Souza stakes his claim as one of the great Christian apologists." The review ends thus: "In any case, D'Souza has written a book that both G.K. Chesterton and C.S. Lewis would have appreciated and that perhaps even Billy Graham and Pope Benedict XVI could agree is a masterpiece of modern apologetical writing destined to set the standard for years to come."

With comments like this, I am in serious danger of getting a big head and losing my reputation for self-effacing modesty.
...and the surface of the sun is in danger of getting too hot to handle.

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Bill Maher - Religulous

Bill Maher brings the funny. And the head-scratching.